doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
