My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
