I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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