Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
