i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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