plz talk dirty to me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
