That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
