i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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