Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
