please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
