So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
