she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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