This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
