I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
