is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
