it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
