Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
