Your mouth is God's brothel.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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