We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dicks are not precious.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
