Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
