it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
