I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
