Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
