I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you win again, gameday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
