you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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