i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
