He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
