seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
