the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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