dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
