You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
