I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
