So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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