Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
