We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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