What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
two words: eviction party
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
