I only kidnapped one of them. chill
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
