every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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