They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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