so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
