I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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