She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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