i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
