I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
