dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love you. Go after that dick
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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