In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
