This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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