I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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