If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
