I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am available for nakedness
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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