You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
