I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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