i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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